I want to cry…
but I can’t.
I want to scream—loud, raw, into the void—
but I can’t.
I want to laugh, freely, without restraint…
but I can’t.
I want to show my anger,
to let it out, to break something just to feel something—
but I can’t.
I want to jump,
to dance like no one’s watching,
but even then, I can’t.
It’s always the same.
Every time.
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
Why?
Why is it like this?
I feel like I’m living in some illusion,
like I’m acting in a movie that’s stuck on repeat.
Like I’m just saying the lines.
“I’m happy.”
“I’m angry.”
“I’m anxious.”
But nothing real is coming out.
I’m not being, I’m just saying.
And what does that even mean?
Isn’t it better to just show it?
To feel it, fully, without explanation?
Like an actor on screen—
not saying “I’m angry” but being angry.
Not saying “I’m joyful” but just—
Laughing. Just feeling.
Without labeling it. Without justifying it.
That’s what I want.
That’s what I need.
To stop narrating my emotions
and start living them.
If I feel like laughing—then laugh.
If I feel like crying—then cry.
Not “I am sad.”
Just tears.
Not “I am angry.”
Just rage. Just truth. Just real.
Because that’s freedom.
That’s joy.
That’s me—unchained.
Unshackled from expectations, from roles, from masks.
That’s when I’ll really be alive.
Not pretending.
Not performing.
Just… living.
